Mike & Nikki (talking
about their future)
“What’s going on in that head of yours, Princess?” I question,
running my hands along her calves as I stare into her sad eyes.
“Nothing,” she insists, shaking her head before she forces a
smile. “Everything’s peachy.”
“I might not be the brightest crayon in the box but I know when
something isn’t right with you, Nikki,” I reply, holding her gaze. “Don’t shut
me out because once we start pretending what affects one of us doesn’t affect
the other, that’s when this thing we’re building falls apart,” I pause,
reaching out to run my finger along the bridge of her nose. “We’re better than
that,” I insist.
She covers her face with her hands and remains perfectly still for
a moment before threading her fingers through her hair and gripping the ends in
frustration. I narrow my eyes in confusion as she lifts her head and stares
back at me.
“What do you want, Mikey?” She asks softly.
“What do you mean?” I question, trying to figure out how this
became about me.
“Do you want kids?” She huffs. “We’re getting married, but we
never discussed what happens after we say I do. Did you plan on having
children? Did you want to travel the world? What do you want to do for the next
sixty years?”
She’s right, we didn’t discuss the future much, but I didn’t think
there was anything wrong with that. When two people are compatible like we are,
who needs plans? They always change anyway. You can plan your whole life, every
last detail, up to the prayer card given to the people who attend your wake, but
it only takes one gust of wind to blow your plan to shit.
Nikki and I don’t need plans, we only need each other. For the
first time in my life I’m sure of something and I’m sure I want to marry her. I
want to spend the next sixty years riding the tides with her and wherever we
wind up is exactly where we’re meant to be.
“I’ll start,” she offers. “I never pictured myself with a fleet of
kids.”
“A fleet as in more than one?”
She smiles but her eyes still hold traces of doubt.
“Do you want a baby, Mikey?”
I think about the question, cupping the back of my neck as I try
to picture me and Nikki with a little squirt of our own. One baby I could
probably handle but when you use words like fleet, well, shit, I start to
twitch. But if you have one then I think you have to have another, being an
only child gets lonely. I didn’t realize it when I was younger but after my
father was murdered, I kept thinking if my mom wasn’t here, his death would be
my responsibility. I’d be the one to identify his body, plan his funeral and
decide what was on the back of his prayer card.
Everything I had to do alone when my mom died.
So, if kids were in the cards for me and Nikki there would have to
be two of them. But if they weren’t, if she didn’t want to have children, then
I’d be fine with that too. As long as I’ve got her I’ll be happy being a part
of whatever she desires because she’s ALL I want. Everything else that comes
along with her will be the icing on the cake.
I guess I have my answer.
“I love Luca and Victoria and when I’m around them, my heart melts
but when I’m around other children, I don’t feel any sort of way. I don’t get
the warm, fuzzy feelings everyone with baby fever seems to talk about,” she
rambles, releasing a breath and blowing the hair out of her face.
“Baby fever?” I ask, tucking the strands behind her ear.
She chews on her bottom lip before blurting out her next thought.
“My biological clock doesn’t tick I’m not even sure it has
batteries. The only thing I’m sure I want is you, everything else I’m uncertain
of. I’m twenty-three years old, I’m not supposed to have life figured out,” she
huffs exasperatedly.
“So what are you worried about? We’ll figure it out together as it
comes.”
“Mikey, you were there, you heard the doctor when he explained how
severe my case was. He specifically warned us that not only would I probably
have to have the surgery more than once but having a child would be extremely
difficult.”
He didn’t say impossible.
“I may not have put much thought into having children but before
yesterday I had the choice and now it’s been taken from me,” she whispers,
taking my hands into hers and squeezing them. “But that doesn’t mean it has to
be taken from you.”
She’s lost her mind.
The stress of waiting for the test results, her father dying,
throw in her bat-shit crazy relatives visiting, it’s made her lose her
ever-loving mind. I pull my hands out of hers and grip her hips tugging her
onto my lap before reaching up and cupping her face. Her eyes widen, and I
loosen my hold on her cheeks but continue to keep my eyes on her.
“We’re only ever going to have this conversation once so listen
real good, Nikki,” I order. “I asked you to marry me, put a ring on your finger
for the whole world to know you’re mine. I didn’t do that without seriously
thinking it through. It’s not that I wasn’t sure you were the only girl I’d
ever marry, but I wanted to be sure I could be everything you needed in a
husband.
Before you, I never thought about settling down, I didn’t want to
be tied to another person. I told myself I was content living alone, but in
reality I didn’t want to let myself get close to anyone because every person
I’ve ever loved has been taken from me. After my mother died I never planned on
sticking around here but I couldn’t walk away from you. We were nothing, barely
reacquainted with one another when your smart mouth dared me to stay here, I
knew I couldn’t go back to Pennsylvania. It was the best decision of my life
and I thank my mother every day for sending me you.”
“Mikey—” she starts, but I silence her, placing my finger to her
lips.
“Not done saying my peace, Princess,” I say, calmly. “I know life
without you, I know the man I am without you by my side and that guy doesn’t
hold a candle to the man you make me. I stayed in New York for you, hoping you’d
give me a shot to be the guy you spend the rest of your life with. You…you’re
my why, always and forever baby—” My words are cut off by her mouth as it
crashes over mine. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulls me closer to
her, sliding her tongue between my lips.
I gave in as I always did because giving in meant I won too.
Winning is being her guy.
Winning is having her in my life.
Winning is finding the one person I’m meant to travel through this
crazy thing called life with.
Winning is Nikki becoming my wife.
Winning is us.
And if it’s just us in the end, well, that’s winning too.
